Awakening (AAXLC) : Part 2

// Awakening

My older brother (Ben) had left for Melbourne the very same year I entered Form 1. The transition wasn’t as bad as I thought. I ended up in the same class as most of my primary school mate, some ass holes didn’t make it, replaced by new ass holes from from other primary school. In secondary school, they made it compulsory to join: 1) A uniformed club, 2) a sports club, or a social club. I hated sports, and I hated socialising on equal measures but I did end up signing up for Boys Scout (Pengakap Lelaki), Swimming Club and LEO club. I was always the silent member who turns up for meetings but does nothing. 

Entering Form 3, apart from morning classes, my afternoon are starting to be filled with more after-school activities. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’d stay back for Boy’s Scout and LEO club meetings, and on every other Wednesday, I’d hitch a ride with my classmate James for swimming practice in the swimming complex in town. I was spending significantly less time at Pak Cik’s Usud’s place. Dad would still drop Desmond and I at Pak Cik’s place when there are no extra curricular activities. Sometimes, I’d cycle home after lunch and finish off my home work at home while Desmond stayed with Mak Cik. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember the afternoon I discovered my dad’s porn video tape. 

I was innocently searching for my Dragon Ball tape (swear to god, that was my intention) when I accidentally stumbled across three tapes that had no labels, arranged orderly inside a brown box with other labelled tapes, including Dragon Ball. I spent the whole afternoon playing, forwarding, rewinding the contents of the video tape - and I did the same thing with my cock. 

Ever since then, I’d find excuses to stay home - when I don’t have to stay at school, or I’d find ways to sneak out and cycle home from Pak Cik’s place after Mak Cik and Desmond had dozed off in their usual afternoon nap routine. Mak Cik was never worried about me because I would always be out and about with Abang Azim. 

I usually have about two hours, twenty minutes to cycle home and back to Pak Cik's and about an hour and a half for me to watch the porn. From the moment Abang Azim touched my cock and made it hard that stormy afternoon, I start paying more attention to the reaction down there. I didn't know what horny felt like, but I knew I watching the porn made my cock hard and  heart race. I didn't know what 'masturbate' was but I knew I had to touch myself to get rid of the ‘itch’.

One Friday, after afternoon prayers, Abang Azim had come to find me as I was getting ready to cycle home. I decided to ask him to come along, after making him promise not to tell anyone what would then become our 'little secret'. We crossed our fingers and cycled back to my place, I played the unlabelled tape. Having seen the porn already, I fast forwarded the part where there was a close up of a woman giving a blowjob to two men at the same time. The scene never showed the face of the guys she was pleasuring, but seeing the cocks, accompanied by the loud moaning sound from the men was arousing enough. "Woah, besarnye" Abang Azim said in disbelief as he pulled down his shorts to reveal his circumcised cock at full mast, looking back and forth between the TV and his cock, as if trying to compare the sizes. I fast forwarded the porn again until the fucking scene. 

“Macam sakit jer” he murmured, “Tapi … macam syok juga” he continued, his eyes transfixed on the TV screen.

He was so engrossed in watching the porn that he never realised that I was more interested in watching his reaction than I was watching the porn. 

"Jom balik" I said, realising that we should be back before Mak Cik starts looking for us. When we cycled home, Abang Azim would not stop talking about the ‘batang besar’ he had just seen. "Perasan tak dia orang pun dah sunat macam abang" Abang Azim said, pedaling beside me. Not having seen any other penises in my life other than Abang Azim's, his observation suddenly made me wonder if my uncut cock was a little abnormal. Like most Friday's, I would, sometimes, stay over at Abang Azim's house so we could go fishing with Pakcik Usud at the river the next morning. Late in the night, Abang Azim crept over beside my tilam and pulled down his pants. "Dah keras." Abang Azim whispered next to me. "CC dah tau camne pancut macam dia orang?" Abang Azim was referring to the guys in the porn earlier, shooting loads and loads of cum on the woman's face. I shurgged, "Tak pernah pancut".

“Bah Jom” Abang Azim quietly led me outside to Pakcik's spare part room, lit by only an incandescent bulb hung from a wooden beam above the room. "Bau kencing laaa" Abang Azim complained the moment he rolled my foreskin back. Why did he keep making comments about my foreskin, I thought. He licked the tip of my head, and then the base down to my testicles but he never sucked it up and down like how the woman in the porn did, instead he kept licking the base of my shaft as if he was painting it carefully with his tongue. Abang Azim started stroking his cock furiously, telling me to follow his every move. His body shivers, white gooey liquid flows from his cock, dripping down his hand and hits the floor - it didn't shoot like the guys in the porn either.

"Nah, ni. Nampak tak." he said, playfully smearing his cum on my face. 

My body shivered to an intense feeling of release but, only a little clear white liquid were being squeezed out from my slit. 

"Gi cuci", he ordered and we quietly crept back into the house.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't quite remember the first time I shoot my load - as in officially, with cum shooting out. I knew about orgasm from what my classmates described - seconds of bliss, accompanied by the shivering, and the tensing up but there was never any white creamy liquids like they said. It was always crystal clear, and it didn't come out quite as much as they described. Most nights, I would quietly stroke myself to the feeling of orgasm under my sheets late at night, but I never looked at the liquid that came out, afraid that Desmond might caught me. 

My first wet dream also happened that year, waking up to a glob of sticky fluid in my underwear - I wondered if the discovery of the porn tapes had suddenly triggered all these reactions. Abang Azim told me he never had a wet dream when I explained to him what I experienced. I couldn't remember exactly what I dreamt about, but I knew it was something from the porn we watched together. "Besar ke batang tu" Abang Azim asked as I made up stories to cover up the fact that I couldn't remember most it. I nodded, 

"Batang orang puteh mang besar." I nodded again, 

"Tapi dalam mimpi dia tak sunat pun," I added, as if I was defending my uncut cock after all the comments made by him. 

"Sama je kot" I smiled. 

That night, we snuck out again to Pak Cik Usud's store room, but this time Abang Azim sucked me like how the woman from the porn did. 

I finally saw the white creamy liquid oozing out out from my cock.

Part 1 : AA X LC (First Wind)

STEAMER'S | Kelana Jaya

Establishment: STEAMER'S
Type: Men’s Sauna
Monday – Friday Hours: 4:00pm – 9:30 pm
Saturday/Sunday/Holidays Hours: 3:00pm – 9:30 pm
Entrance: RM18 (Normal) RM 23 (Nude Night)
Facilities: Gym, Sauna, Steamroom, Darkroom, Video Room (Porn)

:: GETTING THERE

Address: E2-02 (2nd Floor), Jalan SS6/20A, Dataran Glomac, 47301 Kelana Jaya.
Tel: +6016-2219378


Public Transport: LRT + Taxi: Get off at Kelana Jaya Station and take a taxi (about RM10) from the station to Steamer's.

:: CLOSET COW'S VERDICT

Steamer's is a small sauna (only 1 floor) with a small crowd (There was around 12 guys when CC visited on a Sunday). This sauna is good for folks around Kelana Jaya (or Petaling Jaya) so if you are outside these area, I'd say don't bother. The owner who manes the counter is friendly. The crowd is multi-racial, laid back and attitude free.

The facilities are very limited, only two open showers. Steam room is huge but was out of order when CC was there. The sauna is one of those pre-made sauna box that fits only 3 person max. The video room plays gay porn. No private room, only few dark rooms. Smoking is permitted everywhere in the premise.

Borneo Native Massage | Kuchai Lama

Establishment :

Massage Centre (Male Only)

Address:

13A Lian Hoe Garden, Jln Kuchai 1

03 - 7981 6230

Price:

RM 65 for 1 hour, RM 75 for 1.5 hours (Urut batin included)

Opening Hours:

2:00 PM (Unsure) - 12:00 AM

*Call early (before 10:00 PM) if you want to book a specific masseur because they will leave around 10:30 PM if there are no pre - bookings. You can ask the receptionist for recommendations.

Theraphist:

Mostly locals (Chinese and Malay); most of them give pretty good massages; but talk to the receptionist for recommendations.

Comments:

Go here if you are looking for a proper massage over 'fun'. They don't have a website, or a catalog of their therapist so it's either you ask the receptionist for recommendations, or you can just try your luck. Be warned that most of the therapist there are just average looking guys but they do give good massage. They have a few straight therapist who are properly trained. Urut batin (manhood massage) is already included in the pricing so tipping is optional. Usually the massage will end with only handjob, but some of them can get very playful and do more than just handjob; so it depends on which therapist you get. 

Day Thermos Sauna | Kuala Lumpur [UPDATED 2015]

 

Day Thermos Floor Plan

Establishment: Day Thermos

Type: Men’s Sauna

Monday – Friday Hours: 2:00pm – 11:00 pm

Saturday/Sunday/Holidays Hours: 2:00pm – 11:00 pm

Entrance: RM28
Facilities: Gym, Sauna, Steamroom, Darkroom, Private Room, Cafes, Massage. 

:: GETTING THERE

By monorail and by foot: Get off at Bukit Bintang Station. Look for LOT 10 shopping mall as soon as you get off the station, it's on your right. Grand Millennium Hotel is a few steps down from LOT 10, on the opposite side. If you find Grand Millennium Hotel, you should be able to find your way to the back alley where Day Thermos is. Blue Boy is also within short walking distance. 

Address: G/F 40-6A Jln Sultan Ismail, 50250 Bukit Bintang

Tel: +603-21449648

:: INFORMATION & HIGHLIGHTS

This would be the easiest sauna to get to if you are a tourist in Kuala Lumpur and staying in Bukit Bintang, or even KL Sentral area.  Day Thermos is located directly behind Grand Millennium Hotel, and there is a small short cut that cuts right through to Day Thermos next to Grand Millennium Hotel. 

Ground Floor : Reception | TV Area | Lockers | Dressing | Toilets
First Floor : Steam Room | Dry Sauna | Showers | Gym | Dark Room | Toilets
Second Floor : Private rooms | Massage

The Steam Room, the Dark Room, and the Private Rooms
UPDATE 2015: Some renovation was done to the place; the dark room has been removed and replaced with a bigger (and brighter) gym area. 

If you are looking for sex, check these areas. The O - shaped steam room can get quite steamy, literally and figuratively. Just walk around it, and wait for action to happen. The dark room is next; pitch black, spacious dark room and you wont be able to see anything that goes on in there. Climb the stairs to third floor and walk along the private cabins. Guys usually wait outside the door, or lay on the mattress with the door open. Cruise the guy of your preference.

The Crowd.

Day Thermos gets very international crowd, yes I mean tourists from all over the world - great place to visit if you are into Caucasians. However, despite the strategic and convenient location, they get very little crowd. In fact, I wouldn't call it a crowd at all - but they do get pretty good turnout once in a blue moon, and it's always a hit - or - miss situation with Day Thermos.

CLOSET COW'S VERDICT

Well maintained and decent facility. Go, if you are in the area and have extra time to kill. Disappointingly small crowd and can be rather pretentious and tacky at times. It would help if you lower your expectations when it comes to guys. I can't comment on the massage, as I have never had one done here before - no happy endings from what I heard. Also recommending this place if you are into Caucasians in general - very generally speaking. 

p/s:  This post has been read/seen a total of 14,393 (as of 2015) times since it was first posted, therefore I have attached a floor plan, (because, personally I do find the new Day Thermos a little awkward to navigate.) I hope everyone would find it useful.

Hope this helps.

Night Patrol

I fetched the last two condoms and a tiny packet of lubricant from my toiletries bag and slipped it in the back pocket of my sweat pants. Must get a new pack, I thought to myself and headed off to the place I swore I'd never return, again and again, after visiting it, again and again.

I arrived just after two in the morning, perfect timing; when most of the queens had wrapped up their gossip session and the silhouettes paces in the dark - increasingly impatient. There must've have been two dozens of cars and motorcycles already parked at the circular parking area when I arrived. Nice crowd. I lit a cigarette as I got out from my car and headed straight down the pathway between the two lakes - dimly lit by the still reflections of the water and occasional cars passing through the highway distance ahead.

I have been a regular at the park, on and off for the past six years. And now that I live in KL, this place has never disappoint whenever I needed a quick fix late in the night. Words has been going around that sometime people get beaten up in the park, or car got broken into - and even undercover policemen sometimes targets the area but  I have been lucky enough to never encounter any undesirable situations so far. The only thing to watch out for are the fishermen - they ride their motorcycle in the park almost every night from spots to spots around the lake, although I doubt clueless, I was sure they are pretty harmless.

I lit another cigarette as I leaned on the cold railings by the concrete deck,  adjusting to dark shadows and the sound of light footsteps move around me, occasionally breaking fallen branches . I knew my body size alone would do well in cruising places like this and I usually never have to look very hard because my gut feeling and my intuition has always been right (most of the time) when it comes to guessing a guy's appearance just by looking only at silhouettes. Halfway through my cigarette, a guy approached me, but he had soon left awkwardly, after learning that I am uncut.

"Sorry ye, I ingat Malay." He said, turning around and vanished between the bamboo trees quicker than he had came.

I lit my third cigarette, still standing on the same spot, when a second man came and introduced himself as Dil. "Jockstrap ke tu?" he asked as his fingers danced around my bulge. "How you know?" I asked with a sly smile on my face. "Macam rough." He answered, rubbing my cock through my pants. Dil was dark skinned and tall, not exactly built but has a large body frame. His cock was already hard and poking through his army green gym shorts. I pulled his shorts down to reveal his circumcised cock as I went down on my knees and wrap my mouth around it.

The Malay guy who left me earlier had returned, standing next to Dil, with his cock pointing out at me. I had decided to ignore the first guy, completely, given what had happened earlier just because I'm a sore bitch like that. I was even more satisfied to know that Dil had not reciprocated to his touch, or paid attention to his hard cock. I only realized there was a third guy  when Dil pulled his cock out from my mouth and pointed at the new guy next to him. I obliged and went down on the third guy with my right hand working on Dil's already wet cock. The first guy is not getting it tonight.

Dil pulled me up between my arms and turned me around to face the lake while his other finger played with my hole. Anticipating what he had in mind, I reached for the condoms in my back pocket now hanging at knee level and handed it to Dil. I didn't have to wait long to feel him entering as both of his hand pulling on the band of my jockstrap, fucking me steadily. At this point, the first guy had moved to my right, still working on his cock, perhaps hoping that I would do something about his tool, and the third guy was on my left, stroking my cock and playing with my nipple as Dil fucked me. Avoiding any eye contact with the first guy, I offered the second condom to the third, inviting him to fuck. The third guy took over when Dil willingly pulled out and throws his used condom on the floor. Condom's empty. The third guy was furious. He fucked fast and cummed fast. I wasn't enjoying his thrusts because there was no rhythm. He was fast, messy and sloppy, but the idea of being used like that turned me on.  He never announced that he came but for a brief moment, I thought I felt he erupted in the condom. He disposed his used condom into the lake and left.

"Still have condoms?". Dil went back into position behind me and whispered into my ears. I shook my head. "No more". I spread my leg a little further as Dil slide his cock between my sweaty ass cheek. Caught in the moment, my right hand reached behind, catching his cock and slowly guide it back into my hole, and parked it there. Your call, I thought to myself. I felt the pressure as Dil slide his shaft back in, but slower this time, as if seeking for a second approval, but I just stood there, letting out soft moans, enjoying every inch of him entering me.

He pulled out and came between my legs, aiming his loads onto the concrete floor. "Thanks Bro" He whispered, pinching my nipple as he pulled up his gym shorts and walked away. Still ignoring the first guy, I pulled up my sweat pants and too, disappeared into the pathway slowly after Dil. Bitch

I moved into the 'dark room', inside the abandoned hut where shadows moved around like lost souls. My watched beamed 03:24. I need to fucking cum and go home. I stood beside a shattered window, allowing faint light from outside to cast shadow on me, patiently waiting for someone to approach. I must have rejected at least five attempts from other guys before a nice solid shadow came walking in and circled around as if he has a night vision before settling next to me.  Staring straight ahead, I lit another cigarette and let my other hand move around his bulge. As he unbuttoned his jeans, he slowly moved to face me directly. I was right, this guy is tall and solid. Our eyes met very briefly and he leaned in for a kiss - a mixture of cigarette and beer. Still kissing, his hand reached behind me and pulled my ass cheek apart, his fingers poking into my anus. "Can fuck?" He asked, breaking the kiss. I nodded and turned around, now facing the brick wall, pulling my pants down to my knees and guided his cock to my hole. At this time, there were already a few spectators around us, while I leave it to him to fend off the rest who tried to participate. He then pulled out abruptly not long after I unloaded, "Sorry, I cum already" He whispered but breathing heavily. "It's okay, me too. Thanks.". I said as I pulled up my sweat pants. "I go out first" I added.

I waited for him outside where it was brighter, out of politeness, but mostly out of curiosity,  just so I can see his face. He emerged minutes later, with a smile on his face. Boyish and good looking. I thought, which is also why I gave him my real number when he asked (I usually fake a number for encounters like this). He introduced himself as Dan and rushed off to his car, promising he would text later so I could save his number.

Must get a new pack of condoms.  I thought to myself, realising that Dan had came inside me.

Cownicles / Three : Part II

//Rendezvous contd.

The man fucking me was generous enough to let the younger guy next to me took over when he saw him putting on condom. He threw his used condom on the floor and climbed on the sofa to my right, unintentionally breaking my gaze with Mike as the younger guy stepped in to replace him, filling my hole with a different sensation. The man shot his load in my mouth and left.

The first guy who sucked me earlier had returned, taking the empty seat next to me, his hand holding a packet of condom. Getting more turned on by the situation, I drifted back into ecstasy, anticipating that I am about to get fucked by the fourth guy tonight; I was again, oblivious to the fact that Mike and other guys were standing there, observing me. I refrained myself from touching my own cock as I get fucked, worried that I might cum and it would be over. Without saying a word, the third guy pulled out and removed he condom abruptly as he shoot without aim. He thanked me, as I cleaned his cock with my mouth and left the room.

Mike emerged in front of me, his towel resting on his shoulder, somehow looking bigger and taller in the dark. Unlike the last time where he refused to touch anyone, or let anyone touch him, Mike had gladly let the cub, now seated beside me, work on his cock while he watched me. Mike then turned his partner around and made him bend over against the sofa. Knowing what he was about to do, I reached behind me for the stash of condoms and handed one to him. He gave his partner a good rim before standing up again and teased his partner's hole with his cock, sliding it up and down in between his ass. Getting more turned on, his partner reached for Mike's cock and guided it to his hole. Still looking at Mike, I had expected him to stop to put on the condom he was holding, but instead he looked away as he dropped the condom on the sofa. Avoiding my eyes, Mike mounted both of his hand on his partner's waist and started fucking him.

Suddenly, I stopped paying attention to the sensation of getting fucked; I was looking intensely at Mike, searching for some kind of answer on his face but he never returned my gaze. Seeing what Mike just did bothered me, but at the same time turned me on in ways I don't quite understand. I wanted to say something but seeing his bottom so willingly take his raw shaft turned me on even more. "I'm coming". I was snapped out of my thought when the fourth guy warned me before pulling out and shoot his load on my body. They shifted a little so the younger cub could bend low enough to suck my cock. I blew my load in his mouth and he gladly swallowed. Still avoiding any eye contact with me, Mike leans in and rests his body on his bottom while his hand reached between my sweaty ass and fingered my hole. "Do you want my load?" Mike whispered quietly in his bottom's ear but loud enough for me to hear it. He nodded, face buried in my groin. Mike then pulled out from him bottom and turned to me, lifted my legs and dived his cock straight into my hole. As soon as his entire length was buried inside me, he groaned simultaneously as his body tensed up.

Despite all the noise from the video playing in the room, the distraction of the watchers engrossed in our activity, I could feel the minute pulses of Mike's cock inside me; the moment it expanded, the moment his cum started to fill my hole - as if my senses has suddenly, selectively chosen to heighten the sensitivity of my hole when Mike ejaculated inside me. "Sorry mate." Mike said, kissing his cub on the lips after he pulled out from me. His bottom then knelt down and cleaned his cum soaked cock with his mouth. "No worries." The cub left.

I finally stood up, as if I have woken up from a vivid dream. Suddenly I could smell the strong stench of dried cum on my skin; accompanied by a pang of shame from all the looking eyes, as if everyone was judging me "Gross." I heard a man said as I exited the room after Mike. I tried to ignore him but the comment got to me as I descended down the stairs with Mike's cum starting to trickle down along my leg. He must be thinking I'm a cum slut. I didn't like the title, but that was exactly me earlier in the video room. It was safe, and it was hot until Mike showed up and things turned gross. I had completely forgotten that earlier when Mike fucked his cub raw, it turned me on like never before.

"I'm clean." he said, turning into the driveway of my house. "But you don't know if he is." I answered, referring to the guy who he fucked earlier.

"I thought you'd like it." he defended.

"Well, now you know." I said, stepping out of the car. "Goodnight Mike."


//Conscience

Back then,  the notion of 'safe sex' was innocently pure and simple. To me, safe sex meant condoms and nothing beyond that, not syphilis, not herpes, not even HIV. I have never bothered to learn about it, thinking I would be fine as long as I always carry condoms with me. When Dwight and I started to have unprotected sex, trust seemed to become the excuse for not using condoms. As long as he is clean, I'd be happy to take his load. But the truth is that; we never discussed about it; there was no blood tests done, and he never told me that he is disease free, naively thinking that if we were dating, he should've known whether to use protection or not. It's almost like a two edged sword; if he loved me, barebacking (with me) meant staying faithful, if he still uses condoms, it probably meant he still fucks around. I had completely missed the whole point of 'safe sex'.

The conflict I had then when I started going out with Mike, who always responsibly put on a condom every time we had sex had made me doubt his faithfulness. Maybe he wanted to wait a little longer before going unprotected, the thought that I kept to myself.  Mike would always carry a box of Durex in his messenger bag along with a small bottle of tube. I once asked why he would still have it in his bag, since we had agreed to monogamous relationship. "Old habit." he replied, just like how he always keep an extra pair of shoe at the back of his car. "I'm not fucking anyone else." he assured me, but my gut feeling wouldn't settle with that statement. I started to develop a habit of going through his box of condoms almost on a weekly basis to see if he had used any. Back then, I honestly didn't understand my intention for doing that. Perhaps, I didn't want to be cheated on, or maybe I was looking for evidence so that I could have a leverage on him, if I happen to misbehave. My behavior gradually stopped as I begin to trust him based on the very simple fact that he never touched any of his condoms.

What happened at the sauna seemed to have shattered all the trust I had for him. Suddenly, I began to make unreasonable assumptions in my mind; what if he fucked bareback with other guys - the 'condom indicator' that I had been using all this while would be meaningless; or maybe he had intended for me to see that he had never used the condom in his bag after all these time. I was burdening myself with all these question that I couldn't answer, but too afraid to ask Mike. I was going paranoid.

Mike took me to a clinic for full STD screening one month after our little sauna incident. The results came back negative but we would have to get tested again after three months, just to be sure. Mike and I never had sex in that three months despite his repeated attempts, mainly because I was not in the mood. Sometimes, I would go online and googled 'gay sex and STD' but I guess I was too much in denial that I could not bring myself to read any of it. It probably was one of the most gruesome three months that I had endured in my life; being eaten up by paranoid thoughts, frightening myself with the unknowns. At the end of the third month of celibacy, the results came back non - reactive.

Mike shoot inside me again the same night we got our test results. When Mike was in the shower the next morning, I find myself going through his bag, counting the number of condoms in the box. 

Ten condoms, two missing. 

Cownicles: Part One

Cownicles: Part Three: I
Cownicles: Part Three: II 

Cownicles / Three : Part I

//Rendezvous : prel·ude

My phone had died about an hour ago, and I was already late for another good forty minutes when I arrived at the sauna. Mike had texted earlier today asking me to rendezvous at the sauna at nine, in which I agreed within seconds, my cock already twitching when I hit the reply button, anticipating what he had planned for tonight. He didn't specifically tell me where to meet, and I, stupidly, have not had the chance to tell him I'd be late - before my phone went off, and now he's no where to be found after making my first round though the entire sauna, presumably he had left, after waiting for almost an hour, added to the fact that Mike was almost never late.

// The SDC (Self Doubt Cow) 

But I digress. I started picking up weight lifting shortly after my brief stint with Brian. Weighing at 65 kgs at the time, I wasn't really doing well in the sauna, or cruising, and it resulted a period of self doubt, throwing myself pity parties by the corner of the maze hoping someone would grope me in the dark, only to find out that the person in the dark who had groped me, was, in fact another Asian facing the same identity crisis. But don't get me wrong, as much as I am into good looking Caucasians, I still prefer Asians. It was merely a response to an All-White environment that being an Asian could mean disadvantage when it comes to physical sex. Also, I am not saying it's impossible - everyone gets lucky once in a while, which is why cruising is such a beautiful game, while I have had sex with many gorgeous guys - I cannot start to count how many times I have helped myself at the sauna, listening to others in the next room going at it.

I first saw him at the dry sauna, a boyish looking Asian guy, presumably a Hongkee, with a very toned, muscular body and looked about the same age as I am. He had left so as soon as I sat myself down the bench - sweats trickling down his back. I saw him again upstairs, standing outside one of the private room. Our eyes met briefly, but he quickly looked away and rolled his eyes. I guess he must've misunderstood me for cruising him, I get it, and the eye rolling, like the typical Asian kiasuness, but I don't blame him, his body is pretty much a ticket to unlimited eye rolling. I've decided to avoid him after the brief encounter by hanging about the darkroom, waiting patiently in the glory hole booth, hoping for a hard cock to miraculously appear through the hole from the other side. Desperation turns into frustration, I decided to leave when I saw him again, in the video room, lit only by the motion pictures projected on the wall, lying on his back, getting fucked by a handsome white guy while his mouth was satisfyingly stuffed by another. I stood by the entrance, hidden from them, but close enough to watch without being too pervert-y. I want to be like him, I thought to myself, watching them, my hand stroking my cock underneath the towel. I came quietly on the towel and left. I want to be like him. 

About week later, I had signed up with the campus gym. A month later, I managed to convince my brother to be my workout buddy so we could share costs on the gainers and whey protein. At that point, I had a goal, and it was clear. I didn't care about having abs, I wanted size, I wanted big biceps and big chests. A year later, I was happy when the my persistence had paid off, gaining about 11 kgs of body weight  that year, I finally understood what it was like to have 'attention'.

Until now, I hardly ever approach anyone when I cruise, not because now that I think I'm hot, that perhaps I should just receive people; even the ones that I really liked. Sometimes, when I'm desperate enough to  make a move, I'd always do it so subtly sometimes I doubt if my target realizes that he's actually being cruised. Maybe it has a something to do with the gay men's ego: the fear of embarrassment of being rejected, or the destructive self confidence when playing the game. Perhaps, in the beginning, my timidness had very much to do with the latter, but, even after working hard to becoming more physically 'attractive', I realized I remained apprehensive when it comes to making moves. In the end, it really does boils down to personality and how thick skin one really is. Changes to the surface does not necessarily change it's true form, but it has worked in my favor when it comes to anonymous sex.

//Rendezvous

This was my favorite time to go, always a reasonable sized crowd of working professionals who had just finished work looking to get laid before calling the day off. Get there too early, you'd find a dead sauna, get there too late you get drunks who thinks they can fuck rough but can't get their dicks hard. I finally gave up my search for Mike, but had decided to make my entrance fee worth by sticking around for a little longer. 

My eyes could barely make out the still forms against the dense mists in the steam room as I hung my towel across my neck. Lightly brushed a few live flesh before sitting myself down, I sound was as thick as the air; water hitting the wet floor, constant sighs defying the thick air, and flesh shifting against tiled bench. A hand touched my arm, slowly sliding it across to my chest breaking a layer of sweat and condensed water on my body. It paused for a second before making it's way down to my abs steadily like a scanning device that would then create an image of my body. I was confident that the scanning device would be happy to explore further down; my already hard cock jumped as the hand held it tightly, giving it a squeeze. I did the same to the man next to me, squeezing his cock and pulling his skin down, looking over as if I could see his face but the image that I saw under the mist was convincing enough for me to get on my knees and gulp on his wet cock. I must have spent twenty minutes on the floor working on him before the heat was starting to get overwhelming and I headed outside, leaving him without notice. I realized how deep the mosaic tiles pattern had imprinted on the skin of my knees under the yellow light. 

I dried myself and headed to the video room without looking back to see if the guy I had just sucked followed. Two sets stained couches leaned against the wall, loosely occupied by four other guys in various state of  arouseness, but there was no interaction. I plopped myself down on the couch that faces the entrance next to an older guy who seemed to be half asleep, my wet towel clung loosely on my legs, revealing my pubic hair, low enough just to cover my semi hard cock. 

I absent-mindedly starting to stroke my cock through the wet towel, starring blankly on the large projector screen in front of me, but really I was paying attention to the other guys in the room, exchanging subtle eye contacts. Surprising myself with how comfortable I already am with such a vulgar display in a relatively open place, I push my towel down to reveal my uncut cock to the guy sitting directly opposite me who was already stroking his cock, as if I am mirroring his every move, looking straight into his eyes. Some passers by would stop briefly at the entrance enjoying my display, some would lean on the wall at the vantage point pretending to watch the porn projected on the wall, quietly waiting for some action to happen.

Strangely, this moment brought me back to the time where I watched the Asian guy who got fucked a little over year ago in a different sauna. Although I wasn't as ripped as he was back then, but I am already packing some visible muscles, and the low lighting in the room somehow helped to exaggerates the contour of my muscles, making me look even bigger than I really am. 'I can be him now' I thought to myself as if I was being possessed of his self confidence. Suddenly, I wanted these strangers, these men who didn't know me to watch me, to want me. 

The man opposite has parked himself between my legs, taking my cock in his mouth. I spread my leg further apart to accommodate him, my knee lightly touching the younger guy to my left, who no longer pay attention to the screen as he played with my nipple while my hand worked his thick uncut cock underneath his towel. Another man who had been watching in the shadow leaning against the wall at the entrance now stood in front of me naked, his cock pointing right at me. This was the guy from the steam room, I thought, remembering his bearded face, his muscular chest and his tight foreskin as I sucked him earlier. I took his cock in my mouth again, allowing my tongue to explore the taste of his cock while he bend forward as his right hand tried to reach for my hole despite getting in the way of the guy who was on his knees sucking my cock. 

There was small crowd piling up in the room, all who seemed to be engrossed in  watching us and willingly letting others to touch them. Strangely, I was incredibly turned on to the fact that I enjoyed being watched so much that I had no shame putting on such a show in front of so many guys. The man sucking on me had stopped to catch my gaze, his eyes motioned to the entrance, as if inviting me to go outside with him for private time. Staring at him and realizing the attention I was getting, I smiled at him and shook my head subtly, politely declined his invitation and saw him disappeared behind the crowd in the room. I lowered myself on the sofa and lifted both my legs off the ground so the man from the steam room earlier could have more room to start fingering me but instead,  my legs were being lifted completely up in the air as he skillfully put on a condom and penetrated me in one hard, painful thrust. I opened my eyes moments later, after the initial pain had subsided turned into sensational burn  - only to be greeted with a familiar face, resting on a shoulder of another stranger, a young cub, standing in front of me. In between flashes of lights from the screen and the rhythmic thrusts from my top, I fixed my gaze on Mike.

Cownicles: Part One
Cownicles: Part Two 

Cownicles: Part Three: II