Cownicles / Three : Part II

//Rendezvous contd.

The man fucking me was generous enough to let the younger guy next to me took over when he saw him putting on condom. He threw his used condom on the floor and climbed on the sofa to my right, unintentionally breaking my gaze with Mike as the younger guy stepped in to replace him, filling my hole with a different sensation. The man shot his load in my mouth and left.

The first guy who sucked me earlier had returned, taking the empty seat next to me, his hand holding a packet of condom. Getting more turned on by the situation, I drifted back into ecstasy, anticipating that I am about to get fucked by the fourth guy tonight; I was again, oblivious to the fact that Mike and other guys were standing there, observing me. I refrained myself from touching my own cock as I get fucked, worried that I might cum and it would be over. Without saying a word, the third guy pulled out and removed he condom abruptly as he shoot without aim. He thanked me, as I cleaned his cock with my mouth and left the room.

Mike emerged in front of me, his towel resting on his shoulder, somehow looking bigger and taller in the dark. Unlike the last time where he refused to touch anyone, or let anyone touch him, Mike had gladly let the cub, now seated beside me, work on his cock while he watched me. Mike then turned his partner around and made him bend over against the sofa. Knowing what he was about to do, I reached behind me for the stash of condoms and handed one to him. He gave his partner a good rim before standing up again and teased his partner's hole with his cock, sliding it up and down in between his ass. Getting more turned on, his partner reached for Mike's cock and guided it to his hole. Still looking at Mike, I had expected him to stop to put on the condom he was holding, but instead he looked away as he dropped the condom on the sofa. Avoiding my eyes, Mike mounted both of his hand on his partner's waist and started fucking him.

Suddenly, I stopped paying attention to the sensation of getting fucked; I was looking intensely at Mike, searching for some kind of answer on his face but he never returned my gaze. Seeing what Mike just did bothered me, but at the same time turned me on in ways I don't quite understand. I wanted to say something but seeing his bottom so willingly take his raw shaft turned me on even more. "I'm coming". I was snapped out of my thought when the fourth guy warned me before pulling out and shoot his load on my body. They shifted a little so the younger cub could bend low enough to suck my cock. I blew my load in his mouth and he gladly swallowed. Still avoiding any eye contact with me, Mike leans in and rests his body on his bottom while his hand reached between my sweaty ass and fingered my hole. "Do you want my load?" Mike whispered quietly in his bottom's ear but loud enough for me to hear it. He nodded, face buried in my groin. Mike then pulled out from him bottom and turned to me, lifted my legs and dived his cock straight into my hole. As soon as his entire length was buried inside me, he groaned simultaneously as his body tensed up.

Despite all the noise from the video playing in the room, the distraction of the watchers engrossed in our activity, I could feel the minute pulses of Mike's cock inside me; the moment it expanded, the moment his cum started to fill my hole - as if my senses has suddenly, selectively chosen to heighten the sensitivity of my hole when Mike ejaculated inside me. "Sorry mate." Mike said, kissing his cub on the lips after he pulled out from me. His bottom then knelt down and cleaned his cum soaked cock with his mouth. "No worries." The cub left.

I finally stood up, as if I have woken up from a vivid dream. Suddenly I could smell the strong stench of dried cum on my skin; accompanied by a pang of shame from all the looking eyes, as if everyone was judging me "Gross." I heard a man said as I exited the room after Mike. I tried to ignore him but the comment got to me as I descended down the stairs with Mike's cum starting to trickle down along my leg. He must be thinking I'm a cum slut. I didn't like the title, but that was exactly me earlier in the video room. It was safe, and it was hot until Mike showed up and things turned gross. I had completely forgotten that earlier when Mike fucked his cub raw, it turned me on like never before.

"I'm clean." he said, turning into the driveway of my house. "But you don't know if he is." I answered, referring to the guy who he fucked earlier.

"I thought you'd like it." he defended.

"Well, now you know." I said, stepping out of the car. "Goodnight Mike."


//Conscience

Back then,  the notion of 'safe sex' was innocently pure and simple. To me, safe sex meant condoms and nothing beyond that, not syphilis, not herpes, not even HIV. I have never bothered to learn about it, thinking I would be fine as long as I always carry condoms with me. When Dwight and I started to have unprotected sex, trust seemed to become the excuse for not using condoms. As long as he is clean, I'd be happy to take his load. But the truth is that; we never discussed about it; there was no blood tests done, and he never told me that he is disease free, naively thinking that if we were dating, he should've known whether to use protection or not. It's almost like a two edged sword; if he loved me, barebacking (with me) meant staying faithful, if he still uses condoms, it probably meant he still fucks around. I had completely missed the whole point of 'safe sex'.

The conflict I had then when I started going out with Mike, who always responsibly put on a condom every time we had sex had made me doubt his faithfulness. Maybe he wanted to wait a little longer before going unprotected, the thought that I kept to myself.  Mike would always carry a box of Durex in his messenger bag along with a small bottle of tube. I once asked why he would still have it in his bag, since we had agreed to monogamous relationship. "Old habit." he replied, just like how he always keep an extra pair of shoe at the back of his car. "I'm not fucking anyone else." he assured me, but my gut feeling wouldn't settle with that statement. I started to develop a habit of going through his box of condoms almost on a weekly basis to see if he had used any. Back then, I honestly didn't understand my intention for doing that. Perhaps, I didn't want to be cheated on, or maybe I was looking for evidence so that I could have a leverage on him, if I happen to misbehave. My behavior gradually stopped as I begin to trust him based on the very simple fact that he never touched any of his condoms.

What happened at the sauna seemed to have shattered all the trust I had for him. Suddenly, I began to make unreasonable assumptions in my mind; what if he fucked bareback with other guys - the 'condom indicator' that I had been using all this while would be meaningless; or maybe he had intended for me to see that he had never used the condom in his bag after all these time. I was burdening myself with all these question that I couldn't answer, but too afraid to ask Mike. I was going paranoid.

Mike took me to a clinic for full STD screening one month after our little sauna incident. The results came back negative but we would have to get tested again after three months, just to be sure. Mike and I never had sex in that three months despite his repeated attempts, mainly because I was not in the mood. Sometimes, I would go online and googled 'gay sex and STD' but I guess I was too much in denial that I could not bring myself to read any of it. It probably was one of the most gruesome three months that I had endured in my life; being eaten up by paranoid thoughts, frightening myself with the unknowns. At the end of the third month of celibacy, the results came back non - reactive.

Mike shoot inside me again the same night we got our test results. When Mike was in the shower the next morning, I find myself going through his bag, counting the number of condoms in the box. 

Ten condoms, two missing. 

Cownicles: Part One

Cownicles: Part Three: I
Cownicles: Part Three: II 

Cownicles / Three : Part I

//Rendezvous : prel·ude

My phone had died about an hour ago, and I was already late for another good forty minutes when I arrived at the sauna. Mike had texted earlier today asking me to rendezvous at the sauna at nine, in which I agreed within seconds, my cock already twitching when I hit the reply button, anticipating what he had planned for tonight. He didn't specifically tell me where to meet, and I, stupidly, have not had the chance to tell him I'd be late - before my phone went off, and now he's no where to be found after making my first round though the entire sauna, presumably he had left, after waiting for almost an hour, added to the fact that Mike was almost never late.

// The SDC (Self Doubt Cow) 

But I digress. I started picking up weight lifting shortly after my brief stint with Brian. Weighing at 65 kgs at the time, I wasn't really doing well in the sauna, or cruising, and it resulted a period of self doubt, throwing myself pity parties by the corner of the maze hoping someone would grope me in the dark, only to find out that the person in the dark who had groped me, was, in fact another Asian facing the same identity crisis. But don't get me wrong, as much as I am into good looking Caucasians, I still prefer Asians. It was merely a response to an All-White environment that being an Asian could mean disadvantage when it comes to physical sex. Also, I am not saying it's impossible - everyone gets lucky once in a while, which is why cruising is such a beautiful game, while I have had sex with many gorgeous guys - I cannot start to count how many times I have helped myself at the sauna, listening to others in the next room going at it.

I first saw him at the dry sauna, a boyish looking Asian guy, presumably a Hongkee, with a very toned, muscular body and looked about the same age as I am. He had left so as soon as I sat myself down the bench - sweats trickling down his back. I saw him again upstairs, standing outside one of the private room. Our eyes met briefly, but he quickly looked away and rolled his eyes. I guess he must've misunderstood me for cruising him, I get it, and the eye rolling, like the typical Asian kiasuness, but I don't blame him, his body is pretty much a ticket to unlimited eye rolling. I've decided to avoid him after the brief encounter by hanging about the darkroom, waiting patiently in the glory hole booth, hoping for a hard cock to miraculously appear through the hole from the other side. Desperation turns into frustration, I decided to leave when I saw him again, in the video room, lit only by the motion pictures projected on the wall, lying on his back, getting fucked by a handsome white guy while his mouth was satisfyingly stuffed by another. I stood by the entrance, hidden from them, but close enough to watch without being too pervert-y. I want to be like him, I thought to myself, watching them, my hand stroking my cock underneath the towel. I came quietly on the towel and left. I want to be like him. 

About week later, I had signed up with the campus gym. A month later, I managed to convince my brother to be my workout buddy so we could share costs on the gainers and whey protein. At that point, I had a goal, and it was clear. I didn't care about having abs, I wanted size, I wanted big biceps and big chests. A year later, I was happy when the my persistence had paid off, gaining about 11 kgs of body weight  that year, I finally understood what it was like to have 'attention'.

Until now, I hardly ever approach anyone when I cruise, not because now that I think I'm hot, that perhaps I should just receive people; even the ones that I really liked. Sometimes, when I'm desperate enough to  make a move, I'd always do it so subtly sometimes I doubt if my target realizes that he's actually being cruised. Maybe it has a something to do with the gay men's ego: the fear of embarrassment of being rejected, or the destructive self confidence when playing the game. Perhaps, in the beginning, my timidness had very much to do with the latter, but, even after working hard to becoming more physically 'attractive', I realized I remained apprehensive when it comes to making moves. In the end, it really does boils down to personality and how thick skin one really is. Changes to the surface does not necessarily change it's true form, but it has worked in my favor when it comes to anonymous sex.

//Rendezvous

This was my favorite time to go, always a reasonable sized crowd of working professionals who had just finished work looking to get laid before calling the day off. Get there too early, you'd find a dead sauna, get there too late you get drunks who thinks they can fuck rough but can't get their dicks hard. I finally gave up my search for Mike, but had decided to make my entrance fee worth by sticking around for a little longer. 

My eyes could barely make out the still forms against the dense mists in the steam room as I hung my towel across my neck. Lightly brushed a few live flesh before sitting myself down, I sound was as thick as the air; water hitting the wet floor, constant sighs defying the thick air, and flesh shifting against tiled bench. A hand touched my arm, slowly sliding it across to my chest breaking a layer of sweat and condensed water on my body. It paused for a second before making it's way down to my abs steadily like a scanning device that would then create an image of my body. I was confident that the scanning device would be happy to explore further down; my already hard cock jumped as the hand held it tightly, giving it a squeeze. I did the same to the man next to me, squeezing his cock and pulling his skin down, looking over as if I could see his face but the image that I saw under the mist was convincing enough for me to get on my knees and gulp on his wet cock. I must have spent twenty minutes on the floor working on him before the heat was starting to get overwhelming and I headed outside, leaving him without notice. I realized how deep the mosaic tiles pattern had imprinted on the skin of my knees under the yellow light. 

I dried myself and headed to the video room without looking back to see if the guy I had just sucked followed. Two sets stained couches leaned against the wall, loosely occupied by four other guys in various state of  arouseness, but there was no interaction. I plopped myself down on the couch that faces the entrance next to an older guy who seemed to be half asleep, my wet towel clung loosely on my legs, revealing my pubic hair, low enough just to cover my semi hard cock. 

I absent-mindedly starting to stroke my cock through the wet towel, starring blankly on the large projector screen in front of me, but really I was paying attention to the other guys in the room, exchanging subtle eye contacts. Surprising myself with how comfortable I already am with such a vulgar display in a relatively open place, I push my towel down to reveal my uncut cock to the guy sitting directly opposite me who was already stroking his cock, as if I am mirroring his every move, looking straight into his eyes. Some passers by would stop briefly at the entrance enjoying my display, some would lean on the wall at the vantage point pretending to watch the porn projected on the wall, quietly waiting for some action to happen.

Strangely, this moment brought me back to the time where I watched the Asian guy who got fucked a little over year ago in a different sauna. Although I wasn't as ripped as he was back then, but I am already packing some visible muscles, and the low lighting in the room somehow helped to exaggerates the contour of my muscles, making me look even bigger than I really am. 'I can be him now' I thought to myself as if I was being possessed of his self confidence. Suddenly, I wanted these strangers, these men who didn't know me to watch me, to want me. 

The man opposite has parked himself between my legs, taking my cock in his mouth. I spread my leg further apart to accommodate him, my knee lightly touching the younger guy to my left, who no longer pay attention to the screen as he played with my nipple while my hand worked his thick uncut cock underneath his towel. Another man who had been watching in the shadow leaning against the wall at the entrance now stood in front of me naked, his cock pointing right at me. This was the guy from the steam room, I thought, remembering his bearded face, his muscular chest and his tight foreskin as I sucked him earlier. I took his cock in my mouth again, allowing my tongue to explore the taste of his cock while he bend forward as his right hand tried to reach for my hole despite getting in the way of the guy who was on his knees sucking my cock. 

There was small crowd piling up in the room, all who seemed to be engrossed in  watching us and willingly letting others to touch them. Strangely, I was incredibly turned on to the fact that I enjoyed being watched so much that I had no shame putting on such a show in front of so many guys. The man sucking on me had stopped to catch my gaze, his eyes motioned to the entrance, as if inviting me to go outside with him for private time. Staring at him and realizing the attention I was getting, I smiled at him and shook my head subtly, politely declined his invitation and saw him disappeared behind the crowd in the room. I lowered myself on the sofa and lifted both my legs off the ground so the man from the steam room earlier could have more room to start fingering me but instead,  my legs were being lifted completely up in the air as he skillfully put on a condom and penetrated me in one hard, painful thrust. I opened my eyes moments later, after the initial pain had subsided turned into sensational burn  - only to be greeted with a familiar face, resting on a shoulder of another stranger, a young cub, standing in front of me. In between flashes of lights from the screen and the rhythmic thrusts from my top, I fixed my gaze on Mike.

Cownicles: Part One
Cownicles: Part Two 

Cownicles: Part Three: II

Cownicles / Two

// The Voyeur

By the time he arrived, there was me and three other guys parking comfortably in the medium sized tub, apart from one another. He said hi, and pulled me in for a long kiss as soon as he was seated next to me. I was thinking this is it, and maybe he liked being watched, or for whatever other reason for choosing the jacuzzi, in the sauna, for our first time, I couldn't care less. I reached under the water for his already hard cock - only to be pushed away by his hand. Again, I was confused and frustrated. Literally what the fuck. As we continued to kiss, the guy to his left moved closer and started to play with his nipple, but Mike never reciprocated, instead he continued kissing me, his right hand on my right nipple. The guy switched to me, reaching under and grabbed my cock. I wanted to let him continue, but I was worried of how Mike would feel about me letting other guys touch me, I decided to push his hand away from my cock. "Suck him" Mike said, in between kisses. I acted out hesitation, but obliged and I went on and suck the other guy. As I continued, I saw him reaching out for something. I looked up and he was holding a condom. Mike had passed him the condom, and he smiled when I turned to look at him. The other guy in the tub was sitting next to him, but again, he showed no sign.

We tried to fuck - but whoever thinks that having jacuzzi sex is hot is a fucking moron. It was uncomfortable as fuck. The condom keeps slipping off, there was no lube, and the swirling water made it almost impossible. After the second condom slipped and his attempt to put on the third one, I told him it's not happening. I suggested that we move to a private room, but Mike insisted on the sauna. As soon as we started fucking again, somebody walked in on us and started watching. Mike was across the room, watching us the entire time. He never participated, or entertained other guys who tried to make a move on him. At that point, I thought my frustration with Mike's behavior has manifested itself that I had completely ignored him. When the second guy came and joined me and the jacuzzi guy, I stopped looking to Mike for permission, I went down on the second guy while I was getting fucked. The first guy came in the condom, and left as soon as he's done. By the time I had my second cock, there was already a crowd in the small sauna. Another couple were having their way directly next to me while Mike watches, stroking his cock underneath his towel. I came shortly after the second guy started fucking, but I did let him finish. "I'm going to wash myself and leave." I told Mike as I walked out of the sauna.

"What the hell was that about?" I asked Mike quietly as I buckled my belt, trying to remain calm. "I thought you enjoyed it." He wiped himself dry with a fresh towel, turning to make eye contact. I did. But I didn't like how I was being set up for this 'thing' - whatever that just happened, as if he had it planned in his head, and lucky for him, he got what he wanted. I wasn't angry, but refused to go home with him, or his offer to send me home. I just needed some time to digest his actions, and I wasn't in the mood for any of his 'talk'.

// The Line

"I'd like to be your partner." He texted later that night. "Not good at this face to face." Another text. There was a million questions running through my head that made answering his question seemed like a difficult task - why has he been so awfully nice to me, but didn't even make the move to have sex with me, why did he let other guys fuck me, and yet wants to be my partner. What the fuck is he doing. 

He called about an hour later to 'talk' when I hadn't replied his text. "So, how do you want to do this?" I asked awkwardly, cutting him halfway through the conversation.  "You know, be my partner, or boyfriend or whatever you want to call it." He answered. I already knew exactly what my answer was when he asked, although I contemplated the possibility of an false alarm, that perhaps the my feelings towards him were because of his looks, but, for the past few weeks, my fondness with Mike had escalated rather quickly into something deeper, something that I was unable to fathom, almost like an obsession to his silent complexity, and he is offering me the opportunity to open up to me and let me walk into his life and explore his mysterious side. "Not saying yes until you decides to fuck me," I said jokingly before I ended the call.

Mike showed up at my door quarter past one in the morning with a pack of condoms and lube in his hand. "Let's do this." He said excitedly. "Not sure if you noticed, I didn't get to cum earlier because you decided to throw a fit and leave." He continued as I quietly let him in. When I said he wasn't the cheesy romantic type, this was perhaps the most romantic gesture he had done in the entire length of our relationship. "I wasn't sure if you were every going to do anything, or plan on cumming, so I had to settle with what I got." I joked. "Touche." Mike did not cum that night. We exchanged the three words for the first time and drifted off to sleep. 

Until then, I never was the one to decide when it comes to relationship, and I had never really thought about how to 'be' in a relationship. He was my third after all, and there are so many things that I don't quite know how to deal with yet. Mike, on the other hand, behaves almost like an alpha, he decides everything, in a reasonably good way, and his experience made me feel quite comfortable to just let him take the wheel, while I enjoy the ride. Mike seemed to be confident about our relationship - in a way it almost frightened me how much has he thought out about our dynamics for every imaginable scenario - that every initial questions that I had was quickly shut down. My understanding of relationship from Dwight was to be monogamous, emotionally and physically, and to me, at the time, was the only way a relationship could work, only to be proved wrong. Relationship could never be one sided, after all it involves another person to call it a relationship. There are many ways to make a relationship work. It all depends on where you draw the line of limitations, somewhere that you know you won't cross, and Mike knew where to draw it, and place it far enough at a place that I have never imagined. Even after what had happened at the sauna, Mike had insisted on us being 'exclusive' - but he wants me (or us) to be honest when it comes to inhibited sexual desires. He told me he would be fine with me having sex with other guys as long as he was there, which he was trying to prove earlier. "I'm old" he laughs "I've done almost everything you can think of." Mike said that I was young, and he didn't want our relationship to stop me from exploring my own desires and he would be fine to act it out with me as long as it's nothing too crazy. But how do you define crazy. Again, I'm starting to flood my head with millions of questions that wouldn't make sense, even if I asked it at that point in time. Some questions can only be answered by experiencing 'it'. So when Mike drew a line that was mutually agreed by us, it  triggered my imagination, to look beyond my own definition of 'relationship'. 

Suddenly an invisible, door had opened for me.

Cownicles: Part One

Cownicles: Part Three: I
Cownicles: Part Three: II 

Cruise Guide | Kelana Jaya Park

_____________________________________________________________________________

Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Activity: Cruising, Public Sex, Voyeur and Exhibitionism.

Type: Park

Address: Kelana Jaya Park, Next to Kelana Jaya Stadium.

Best Time: Weekdays 1:00am till late (early mornings)

Crowd: All ages, Majority Malays and Indians.

Cruisiest Spots: The abandoned hut, behind the bamboo trees facing the lake, the playground.

Parking: Open Car Park

Safety: The police is aware of this place, and there will be patrol cars making rounds once in a bluemoon. I've heard stories of bashing (reasons unknown) and car being broken into because of the dark carpark, but have never experienced any myself. Look out for the fishermen, riding motorcycle on the footpath along the lake, they are harmless thought I would want to get caught in the act by them. 

_____________________________________________________________________________ 

Cruising Guide :

This place is very crowded during Fridays and Saturdays, usually after 1 a.m. until late. However, I'd always avoid weekends. The crowd is big, and a lot of them come with friends, groups of people scattered everywhere, talking or walking together checking out other people. Even if you manage to cruise someone, you'd be interrupted frequently. 

Weekdays have smaller crowds; and I can say most of them are there looking for sex. While the softer/flamboyant usually shows up during weekends to hang out, the discreet ones, although not many come during weekdays.

THE ABANDONED HUT. If you are into totally anonymous sex (where you don't mind whoever your are having sex with), this is where most of the actions happen. This hut has many abandoned rooms where the doors were teared down - works like a dark room or the maze in the sauna, but free of charge. Explore the hut, or just stand still and let people grope you, whichever way you want to play it. Just be vary that because it's so dark in there, sometimes guys like to flick their lighter to see who or what is going in there.

THE BAMBOO TREES AND THE PLAYGROUND. If you prefer to at least have an idea of the guys you want to have sex with, take a stroll along the two main footpath (one towards north, and one towards west) and play your cruising game there. There are plenty of partially hidden spots to play, especially behind the bamboo trees towards the end of the footpath once you successfully find your mating partner.

Cownicles / One

People can surprise you. You get used to thinking of them in one way, stuck in their roles, they are what they are, and then they do something that shows you there's this depth, and dimension that you never knew existed. I have met a lot of people, and I mean a lot in all form and sizes, and while most of the times, these encounters were nothing more than a brief moment of meaningless sex, some of it turned into something more, something that had changed me, for better or worst, to become who I am today. I was never good at relationship, either being in one, or keeping one, but then I don't know if anyone is especially good at it. Up until now, I have properly dated eight guys; four Caucasian, one Singaporean and three local Malaysians; the shortest relationship lasted only two weeks and the longest, three years.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first guy I dated was 26 year old Kiwi named Brian, and I was only 18 back then. We've met at the sauna, briefly, exchanging blowjobs, and then exchanging numbers. For next next few days, we have been spending a lot of time together, meeting his friends, and having lots of awkward sex. I was a complete vanilla - I didn't know which felt better, topping, or bottoming. The relationship ended when we saw each other at the same sauna, weeks later. (Though, not in the act with anyone) We never exchanged any words, we had just stopped contacting each other since that night. The thing is I wasn't sorry, or upset, or guilty at all. I wasn't into him. I was just young, and I was excited by the idea of having a boyfriend at the time. I never saw him after, not even the sauna.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

About seven months later, I met Dwight - the 6'1" tall, handsomely pale, 27 year old Aussie flight attendant who was working with Qantas at the time. We had never verbally committed to each other. At the back of my head, I wanted things to work out and I  have been an extremely good boy for the entire 6 months of our relationship. I have never once cheated, avoided the saunas - and all my favorite cruising area all together, and I could only say the same for him. It has always been fun with Dwight, he's quirky, funny, gorgeous, good in conversation and even better in bed (juicy 9" uncut cock, for the record). He was also the first guy that I barebacked with. For the first few months, he'd always use protection, and I never had to ask him to.

The first time it happened, Dwight had just returned from a 5 days working shift to Singapore. I had lubed myself up as soon as I  heard the door opened, laying face down, I had my ass pointed upwards, ready to greet him as soon as he walked in the room. 'I miss you baby,' he said as he dropped his luggage case and came over to play with my hole. Still facing down, I heard him unzip his pants and felt his already hard cock poking softly on my hole. He reached into the drawer, expect to hear him rip the condom wrapper open, but instead, he squeeze the lube on his cock, and some more on my hole and the next thing I know, he was in me. It took him not more than 15 minutes to drive me over the edge - the first time I had cummed without even touching myself. He came minutes later, without warning - no words said, but I felt his cock pulsating, I felt his cum filled my ass. "You okay?" he asked. I nodded, still lying face down and soon drifted off to sleep. We woke up few hours later, and he fucked me again, with his cum still inside me.

My relationship with Dwight ended the same night he told me he's taking a job offer with SIA. We never got into any discussion about the possibility of a long distance relationship because non of us were confident that it would work. I spent the rest of the month with him before he took off to live in Singapore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

After my relationship with Dwight had ended, I started going back to saunas. And this is where I met my third boyfriend - Mike. We had arrived at the same time, undressed at the same time, and showered next to each other at the same time, exchanging glances along the way. I dried myself off after him to find him sitting at the corner, lighting up a cigarette. 

"Can I offer you a fag". Mike asked, his breathe smelled of alcohol. "I don't smoke, but you go ahead".  I sat down next to him, our knees touched lightly. "I am Michael" I shook his hand and introduced myself. I usually only go to saunas for two reasons; to kill time because I hate getting stuck in rush hour traffic, and secondly - when I'm unusually horny, but with the condition that public cruising areas seemed a less promising option, or that when I'm lazy; in instances such as off peak hours, or being too far away. Tonight, was in between the two. It was a manageable horniness, during rush hour.
  

I don't usually talk to people in the sauna, and, let's face it, I honestly don't think that anyone would go to the sauna to just, talk. But here I am, sitting next to Mike, making small conversation that ended up in an hour long episode of lackluster topics about my home country, my studies and my preferred mode of transportation. The fact is, I wasn't quite bothered about our stalling conversation, or the amount second hand smoke I must have inhaled; I was more perturbed by the thought that maybe he wasn't all that interested to have sex with me; or maybe he was just waiting for me to leave him alone, or,  maybe he was thinking exactly the same thing as I am.

"I am not keeping you from, you know, having fun, am I?". He asked. "And I was about to ask you the same question". He smiled and leaned in for a long kiss. "Let's go back to my place." He said, breaking the kiss. I nodded, smiling inside. I'm already swooned. On the way back to his place, my mind started to picture every imaginable scenario of him fucking me, from the bed to the floor or even the kitchen top to the balcony, if he had one and my initial manageable horniness had escalated into a uncontrollable constant raging boner. To my disappointment, Mike had decided to continue our conversation in his bed while watching BBC news. I was confused by his behavior, a little pissed off at the thought that I have wasted my time. I fucking have morning class tomorrow. I screamed quietly, in my head - conceding to the fact that he has no intention to fuck me.

Mike was, for the lack of a better word, intense. I was severely befuddled by his behavior, be it our age gap, or our racial differences - I couldn't find a common ground, and yet, I am strangely attracted to his complexity. As much as I'd hate comparison, Mike was a completely different character than Dwight. For starters, Mike is older, in many ways wiser, quietly confident that could easily be mistaken for arrogance, and extremely reserved. It took me weeks of silent frustration to coax him out of his shell, to finally reveal something deeper than the surface.

After the forth time meeting Mike that ends up in nothing, I've decided I have had enough of his complexity and I'm just going to cruise at Building 12 after class. I haven't cummed in days because I was keeping it in case he wanted to fuck, I'd be horny enough to satisfy him. Not happening.  There was a message from Mike when my class ended. "Free to meet at wow say 7:30 ?" Wet on Wellington, that's the place we met. "Are we finally going to have sex?" I jokingly texted back, thinking it would be such an unlikely choice for our first time, but I agreed to meet him there at 8 pm instead. "Wait for me at the jacuzzi if it's not crowded" He replied.

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First Wind (AAXLC) : Part I

// First wind

Abang Azim were three years older than me, and had dropped out after primary school. He stayed home and fixes cars and motorcycles with his dad, Pakcik Usud in vast backyard of their wooden home. My dad would pick me and my baby brother Desmond from school and drop us at Pakcik Usud's before heading back to the grocery store again. Mom drove us every time dad is out of town, while my third uncle looked after the store.

I was never close to Ben; my older brother of five years. Our age gap never allowed us to share the same level of maturity and interest; by the time I was old enough to make any sense of the world, my mom and dad had already sent him to Melbourne. I see him once a year, sometimes, once every two years; whenever he feels like showing up. My baby brother Desmond spent most of his time reading LAT and taking naps in Pakcik Usud's house while Abang Azim and I played hide and seek outside with the kids few houses away, Khairul and Yazid. Sometimes, we set up traps for birds with a basket, but the birds fled faster than the basket drops. When the monsoon season came, we played in the flooded mud, sometime, we stayed in and watched tv.

During school holidays, I would wake up early to help mom plant seeds underneath the coconut and mango trees in the morning and watch the vegetable grow slowly. In the afternoon I would pick up fallen dried, brown coconut leaves and make a kite out of the branches with the plastic bags that Abang Azim got from his makcik.

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It was the last week of the school holidays. Next Monday, I would be transferred from 4B to 5A, the class for best students in primary five. It meant nothing to me, other than that I'd be separated from my best friend, and soon to be ex classmate, Little Ming. My mom bought me a small box of LEGO and a pair of new shoe that afternoon and walked me and Desmond to Pakcik Usud's house before heading to the grocery store. Ben waited in the car.

"Jom gi tangkap ikan." Abang Azim said, grabbing the rusty can that Makcik use to water her potted plants. Makcik was already sound asleep with Desmond next to her on the bamboo mat in the living room. We sneaked out quietly into rain and ran quickly towards the flooded mud lands behind the house.We caught six black fishes that looked like magnified sperm.

Pakcik showed up behind us, soaking wet, holding a piece of metal rod that looked like the interior of a car. He told us to get back into the house or the lightning would strike both of us dead. The lightning never struck, only sound of thunder. Abang Aziz and I went to the store room instead and waited for the thunder to stop.

"Blum potong ker?" Abang Aziz asked, looking down at my penis.

"Ha?" I chucked.

"Nih," He said, pointing at my foreskin. "Abang dah sunat dulu." Abang Aziz said as he shook the last drop of piss and showed me his circumcised penis.

I pulled my pants down further and showed him. I rolled the skin back a little bit more to reveal the pinkish head. He held it with two fingers, and rolled it back further to reveal the entire head. Tak sakit ker?. I shook my head and felt it grow between his fingers. It was still raining outside the hut, our shirts and shorts were wet and dirty from playing in the mud. I was shivering, not from the cold but the touch of Abang Azim. I was the first time someone had ever touched it. The sensation was foreign, but welcomed. Abang Azim kept pulling my foreskin back and forth until it grew fully between his fingers. I pulled my shorts up and Abang Azim decided that we should head back when we started shivering and the thunder stopped.

Later I found out that the ikan that Abang Azim and I had caught were actually tadpoles.


Part 2 : AAXLC (Awakening)