Cownicles / Three : Part II

//Rendezvous contd.

The man fucking me was generous enough to let the younger guy next to me took over when he saw him putting on condom. He threw his used condom on the floor and climbed on the sofa to my right, unintentionally breaking my gaze with Mike as the younger guy stepped in to replace him, filling my hole with a different sensation. The man shot his load in my mouth and left.

The first guy who sucked me earlier had returned, taking the empty seat next to me, his hand holding a packet of condom. Getting more turned on by the situation, I drifted back into ecstasy, anticipating that I am about to get fucked by the fourth guy tonight; I was again, oblivious to the fact that Mike and other guys were standing there, observing me. I refrained myself from touching my own cock as I get fucked, worried that I might cum and it would be over. Without saying a word, the third guy pulled out and removed he condom abruptly as he shoot without aim. He thanked me, as I cleaned his cock with my mouth and left the room.

Mike emerged in front of me, his towel resting on his shoulder, somehow looking bigger and taller in the dark. Unlike the last time where he refused to touch anyone, or let anyone touch him, Mike had gladly let the cub, now seated beside me, work on his cock while he watched me. Mike then turned his partner around and made him bend over against the sofa. Knowing what he was about to do, I reached behind me for the stash of condoms and handed one to him. He gave his partner a good rim before standing up again and teased his partner's hole with his cock, sliding it up and down in between his ass. Getting more turned on, his partner reached for Mike's cock and guided it to his hole. Still looking at Mike, I had expected him to stop to put on the condom he was holding, but instead he looked away as he dropped the condom on the sofa. Avoiding my eyes, Mike mounted both of his hand on his partner's waist and started fucking him.

Suddenly, I stopped paying attention to the sensation of getting fucked; I was looking intensely at Mike, searching for some kind of answer on his face but he never returned my gaze. Seeing what Mike just did bothered me, but at the same time turned me on in ways I don't quite understand. I wanted to say something but seeing his bottom so willingly take his raw shaft turned me on even more. "I'm coming". I was snapped out of my thought when the fourth guy warned me before pulling out and shoot his load on my body. They shifted a little so the younger cub could bend low enough to suck my cock. I blew my load in his mouth and he gladly swallowed. Still avoiding any eye contact with me, Mike leans in and rests his body on his bottom while his hand reached between my sweaty ass and fingered my hole. "Do you want my load?" Mike whispered quietly in his bottom's ear but loud enough for me to hear it. He nodded, face buried in my groin. Mike then pulled out from him bottom and turned to me, lifted my legs and dived his cock straight into my hole. As soon as his entire length was buried inside me, he groaned simultaneously as his body tensed up.

Despite all the noise from the video playing in the room, the distraction of the watchers engrossed in our activity, I could feel the minute pulses of Mike's cock inside me; the moment it expanded, the moment his cum started to fill my hole - as if my senses has suddenly, selectively chosen to heighten the sensitivity of my hole when Mike ejaculated inside me. "Sorry mate." Mike said, kissing his cub on the lips after he pulled out from me. His bottom then knelt down and cleaned his cum soaked cock with his mouth. "No worries." The cub left.

I finally stood up, as if I have woken up from a vivid dream. Suddenly I could smell the strong stench of dried cum on my skin; accompanied by a pang of shame from all the looking eyes, as if everyone was judging me "Gross." I heard a man said as I exited the room after Mike. I tried to ignore him but the comment got to me as I descended down the stairs with Mike's cum starting to trickle down along my leg. He must be thinking I'm a cum slut. I didn't like the title, but that was exactly me earlier in the video room. It was safe, and it was hot until Mike showed up and things turned gross. I had completely forgotten that earlier when Mike fucked his cub raw, it turned me on like never before.

"I'm clean." he said, turning into the driveway of my house. "But you don't know if he is." I answered, referring to the guy who he fucked earlier.

"I thought you'd like it." he defended.

"Well, now you know." I said, stepping out of the car. "Goodnight Mike."


//Conscience

Back then,  the notion of 'safe sex' was innocently pure and simple. To me, safe sex meant condoms and nothing beyond that, not syphilis, not herpes, not even HIV. I have never bothered to learn about it, thinking I would be fine as long as I always carry condoms with me. When Dwight and I started to have unprotected sex, trust seemed to become the excuse for not using condoms. As long as he is clean, I'd be happy to take his load. But the truth is that; we never discussed about it; there was no blood tests done, and he never told me that he is disease free, naively thinking that if we were dating, he should've known whether to use protection or not. It's almost like a two edged sword; if he loved me, barebacking (with me) meant staying faithful, if he still uses condoms, it probably meant he still fucks around. I had completely missed the whole point of 'safe sex'.

The conflict I had then when I started going out with Mike, who always responsibly put on a condom every time we had sex had made me doubt his faithfulness. Maybe he wanted to wait a little longer before going unprotected, the thought that I kept to myself.  Mike would always carry a box of Durex in his messenger bag along with a small bottle of tube. I once asked why he would still have it in his bag, since we had agreed to monogamous relationship. "Old habit." he replied, just like how he always keep an extra pair of shoe at the back of his car. "I'm not fucking anyone else." he assured me, but my gut feeling wouldn't settle with that statement. I started to develop a habit of going through his box of condoms almost on a weekly basis to see if he had used any. Back then, I honestly didn't understand my intention for doing that. Perhaps, I didn't want to be cheated on, or maybe I was looking for evidence so that I could have a leverage on him, if I happen to misbehave. My behavior gradually stopped as I begin to trust him based on the very simple fact that he never touched any of his condoms.

What happened at the sauna seemed to have shattered all the trust I had for him. Suddenly, I began to make unreasonable assumptions in my mind; what if he fucked bareback with other guys - the 'condom indicator' that I had been using all this while would be meaningless; or maybe he had intended for me to see that he had never used the condom in his bag after all these time. I was burdening myself with all these question that I couldn't answer, but too afraid to ask Mike. I was going paranoid.

Mike took me to a clinic for full STD screening one month after our little sauna incident. The results came back negative but we would have to get tested again after three months, just to be sure. Mike and I never had sex in that three months despite his repeated attempts, mainly because I was not in the mood. Sometimes, I would go online and googled 'gay sex and STD' but I guess I was too much in denial that I could not bring myself to read any of it. It probably was one of the most gruesome three months that I had endured in my life; being eaten up by paranoid thoughts, frightening myself with the unknowns. At the end of the third month of celibacy, the results came back non - reactive.

Mike shoot inside me again the same night we got our test results. When Mike was in the shower the next morning, I find myself going through his bag, counting the number of condoms in the box. 

Ten condoms, two missing. 

Cownicles: Part One

Cownicles: Part Three: I
Cownicles: Part Three: II 

Cownicles / Three : Part I

//Rendezvous : prel·ude

My phone had died about an hour ago, and I was already late for another good forty minutes when I arrived at the sauna. Mike had texted earlier today asking me to rendezvous at the sauna at nine, in which I agreed within seconds, my cock already twitching when I hit the reply button, anticipating what he had planned for tonight. He didn't specifically tell me where to meet, and I, stupidly, have not had the chance to tell him I'd be late - before my phone went off, and now he's no where to be found after making my first round though the entire sauna, presumably he had left, after waiting for almost an hour, added to the fact that Mike was almost never late.

// The SDC (Self Doubt Cow) 

But I digress. I started picking up weight lifting shortly after my brief stint with Brian. Weighing at 65 kgs at the time, I wasn't really doing well in the sauna, or cruising, and it resulted a period of self doubt, throwing myself pity parties by the corner of the maze hoping someone would grope me in the dark, only to find out that the person in the dark who had groped me, was, in fact another Asian facing the same identity crisis. But don't get me wrong, as much as I am into good looking Caucasians, I still prefer Asians. It was merely a response to an All-White environment that being an Asian could mean disadvantage when it comes to physical sex. Also, I am not saying it's impossible - everyone gets lucky once in a while, which is why cruising is such a beautiful game, while I have had sex with many gorgeous guys - I cannot start to count how many times I have helped myself at the sauna, listening to others in the next room going at it.

I first saw him at the dry sauna, a boyish looking Asian guy, presumably a Hongkee, with a very toned, muscular body and looked about the same age as I am. He had left so as soon as I sat myself down the bench - sweats trickling down his back. I saw him again upstairs, standing outside one of the private room. Our eyes met briefly, but he quickly looked away and rolled his eyes. I guess he must've misunderstood me for cruising him, I get it, and the eye rolling, like the typical Asian kiasuness, but I don't blame him, his body is pretty much a ticket to unlimited eye rolling. I've decided to avoid him after the brief encounter by hanging about the darkroom, waiting patiently in the glory hole booth, hoping for a hard cock to miraculously appear through the hole from the other side. Desperation turns into frustration, I decided to leave when I saw him again, in the video room, lit only by the motion pictures projected on the wall, lying on his back, getting fucked by a handsome white guy while his mouth was satisfyingly stuffed by another. I stood by the entrance, hidden from them, but close enough to watch without being too pervert-y. I want to be like him, I thought to myself, watching them, my hand stroking my cock underneath the towel. I came quietly on the towel and left. I want to be like him. 

About week later, I had signed up with the campus gym. A month later, I managed to convince my brother to be my workout buddy so we could share costs on the gainers and whey protein. At that point, I had a goal, and it was clear. I didn't care about having abs, I wanted size, I wanted big biceps and big chests. A year later, I was happy when the my persistence had paid off, gaining about 11 kgs of body weight  that year, I finally understood what it was like to have 'attention'.

Until now, I hardly ever approach anyone when I cruise, not because now that I think I'm hot, that perhaps I should just receive people; even the ones that I really liked. Sometimes, when I'm desperate enough to  make a move, I'd always do it so subtly sometimes I doubt if my target realizes that he's actually being cruised. Maybe it has a something to do with the gay men's ego: the fear of embarrassment of being rejected, or the destructive self confidence when playing the game. Perhaps, in the beginning, my timidness had very much to do with the latter, but, even after working hard to becoming more physically 'attractive', I realized I remained apprehensive when it comes to making moves. In the end, it really does boils down to personality and how thick skin one really is. Changes to the surface does not necessarily change it's true form, but it has worked in my favor when it comes to anonymous sex.

//Rendezvous

This was my favorite time to go, always a reasonable sized crowd of working professionals who had just finished work looking to get laid before calling the day off. Get there too early, you'd find a dead sauna, get there too late you get drunks who thinks they can fuck rough but can't get their dicks hard. I finally gave up my search for Mike, but had decided to make my entrance fee worth by sticking around for a little longer. 

My eyes could barely make out the still forms against the dense mists in the steam room as I hung my towel across my neck. Lightly brushed a few live flesh before sitting myself down, I sound was as thick as the air; water hitting the wet floor, constant sighs defying the thick air, and flesh shifting against tiled bench. A hand touched my arm, slowly sliding it across to my chest breaking a layer of sweat and condensed water on my body. It paused for a second before making it's way down to my abs steadily like a scanning device that would then create an image of my body. I was confident that the scanning device would be happy to explore further down; my already hard cock jumped as the hand held it tightly, giving it a squeeze. I did the same to the man next to me, squeezing his cock and pulling his skin down, looking over as if I could see his face but the image that I saw under the mist was convincing enough for me to get on my knees and gulp on his wet cock. I must have spent twenty minutes on the floor working on him before the heat was starting to get overwhelming and I headed outside, leaving him without notice. I realized how deep the mosaic tiles pattern had imprinted on the skin of my knees under the yellow light. 

I dried myself and headed to the video room without looking back to see if the guy I had just sucked followed. Two sets stained couches leaned against the wall, loosely occupied by four other guys in various state of  arouseness, but there was no interaction. I plopped myself down on the couch that faces the entrance next to an older guy who seemed to be half asleep, my wet towel clung loosely on my legs, revealing my pubic hair, low enough just to cover my semi hard cock. 

I absent-mindedly starting to stroke my cock through the wet towel, starring blankly on the large projector screen in front of me, but really I was paying attention to the other guys in the room, exchanging subtle eye contacts. Surprising myself with how comfortable I already am with such a vulgar display in a relatively open place, I push my towel down to reveal my uncut cock to the guy sitting directly opposite me who was already stroking his cock, as if I am mirroring his every move, looking straight into his eyes. Some passers by would stop briefly at the entrance enjoying my display, some would lean on the wall at the vantage point pretending to watch the porn projected on the wall, quietly waiting for some action to happen.

Strangely, this moment brought me back to the time where I watched the Asian guy who got fucked a little over year ago in a different sauna. Although I wasn't as ripped as he was back then, but I am already packing some visible muscles, and the low lighting in the room somehow helped to exaggerates the contour of my muscles, making me look even bigger than I really am. 'I can be him now' I thought to myself as if I was being possessed of his self confidence. Suddenly, I wanted these strangers, these men who didn't know me to watch me, to want me. 

The man opposite has parked himself between my legs, taking my cock in his mouth. I spread my leg further apart to accommodate him, my knee lightly touching the younger guy to my left, who no longer pay attention to the screen as he played with my nipple while my hand worked his thick uncut cock underneath his towel. Another man who had been watching in the shadow leaning against the wall at the entrance now stood in front of me naked, his cock pointing right at me. This was the guy from the steam room, I thought, remembering his bearded face, his muscular chest and his tight foreskin as I sucked him earlier. I took his cock in my mouth again, allowing my tongue to explore the taste of his cock while he bend forward as his right hand tried to reach for my hole despite getting in the way of the guy who was on his knees sucking my cock. 

There was small crowd piling up in the room, all who seemed to be engrossed in  watching us and willingly letting others to touch them. Strangely, I was incredibly turned on to the fact that I enjoyed being watched so much that I had no shame putting on such a show in front of so many guys. The man sucking on me had stopped to catch my gaze, his eyes motioned to the entrance, as if inviting me to go outside with him for private time. Staring at him and realizing the attention I was getting, I smiled at him and shook my head subtly, politely declined his invitation and saw him disappeared behind the crowd in the room. I lowered myself on the sofa and lifted both my legs off the ground so the man from the steam room earlier could have more room to start fingering me but instead,  my legs were being lifted completely up in the air as he skillfully put on a condom and penetrated me in one hard, painful thrust. I opened my eyes moments later, after the initial pain had subsided turned into sensational burn  - only to be greeted with a familiar face, resting on a shoulder of another stranger, a young cub, standing in front of me. In between flashes of lights from the screen and the rhythmic thrusts from my top, I fixed my gaze on Mike.

Cownicles: Part One
Cownicles: Part Two 

Cownicles: Part Three: II