// Awakening
My older brother (Ben) had left for Melbourne the very same year I entered Form 1. The transition wasn’t as bad as I thought. I ended up in the same class as most of my primary school mate, some ass holes didn’t make it, replaced by new ass holes from from other primary school. In secondary school, they made it compulsory to join: 1) A uniformed club, 2) a sports club, or a social club. I hated sports, and I hated socialising on equal measures but I did end up signing up for Boys Scout (Pengakap Lelaki), Swimming Club and LEO club. I was always the silent member who turns up for meetings but does nothing.
Entering Form 3, apart from morning classes, my afternoon are starting to be filled with more after-school activities. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’d stay back for Boy’s Scout and LEO club meetings, and on every other Wednesday, I’d hitch a ride with my classmate James for swimming practice in the swimming complex in town. I was spending significantly less time at Pak Cik’s Usud’s place. Dad would still drop Desmond and I at Pak Cik’s place when there are no extra curricular activities. Sometimes, I’d cycle home after lunch and finish off my home work at home while Desmond stayed with Mak Cik.
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I remember the afternoon I discovered my dad’s porn video tape.
I was innocently searching for my Dragon Ball tape (swear to god, that was my intention) when I accidentally stumbled across three tapes that had no labels, arranged orderly inside a brown box with other labelled tapes, including Dragon Ball. I spent the whole afternoon playing, forwarding, rewinding the contents of the video tape - and I did the same thing with my cock.
Ever since then, I’d find excuses to stay home - when I don’t have to stay at school, or I’d find ways to sneak out and cycle home from Pak Cik’s place after Mak Cik and Desmond had dozed off in their usual afternoon nap routine. Mak Cik was never worried about me because I would always be out and about with Abang Azim.
I usually have about two hours, twenty minutes to cycle home and back to Pak Cik's and about an hour and a half for me to watch the porn. From the moment Abang Azim touched my cock and made it hard that stormy afternoon, I start paying more attention to the reaction down there. I didn't know what horny felt like, but I knew I watching the porn made my cock hard and heart race. I didn't know what 'masturbate' was but I knew I had to touch myself to get rid of the ‘itch’.
One Friday, after afternoon prayers, Abang Azim had come to find me as I was getting ready to cycle home. I decided to ask him to come along, after making him promise not to tell anyone what would then become our 'little secret'. We crossed our fingers and cycled back to my place, I played the unlabelled tape. Having seen the porn already, I fast forwarded the part where there was a close up of a woman giving a blowjob to two men at the same time. The scene never showed the face of the guys she was pleasuring, but seeing the cocks, accompanied by the loud moaning sound from the men was arousing enough. "Woah, besarnye" Abang Azim said in disbelief as he pulled down his shorts to reveal his circumcised cock at full mast, looking back and forth between the TV and his cock, as if trying to compare the sizes. I fast forwarded the porn again until the fucking scene.
“Macam sakit jer” he murmured, “Tapi … macam syok juga” he continued, his eyes transfixed on the TV screen.
He was so engrossed in watching the porn that he never realised that I was more interested in watching his reaction than I was watching the porn.
"Jom balik" I said, realising that we should be back before Mak Cik starts looking for us. When we cycled home, Abang Azim would not stop talking about the ‘batang besar’ he had just seen. "Perasan tak dia orang pun dah sunat macam abang" Abang Azim said, pedaling beside me. Not having seen any other penises in my life other than Abang Azim's, his observation suddenly made me wonder if my uncut cock was a little abnormal. Like most Friday's, I would, sometimes, stay over at Abang Azim's house so we could go fishing with Pakcik Usud at the river the next morning. Late in the night, Abang Azim crept over beside my tilam and pulled down his pants. "Dah keras." Abang Azim whispered next to me. "CC dah tau camne pancut macam dia orang?" Abang Azim was referring to the guys in the porn earlier, shooting loads and loads of cum on the woman's face. I shurgged, "Tak pernah pancut".
“Bah Jom” Abang Azim quietly led me outside to Pakcik's spare part room, lit by only an incandescent bulb hung from a wooden beam above the room. "Bau kencing laaa" Abang Azim complained the moment he rolled my foreskin back. Why did he keep making comments about my foreskin, I thought. He licked the tip of my head, and then the base down to my testicles but he never sucked it up and down like how the woman in the porn did, instead he kept licking the base of my shaft as if he was painting it carefully with his tongue. Abang Azim started stroking his cock furiously, telling me to follow his every move. His body shivers, white gooey liquid flows from his cock, dripping down his hand and hits the floor - it didn't shoot like the guys in the porn either.
"Nah, ni. Nampak tak." he said, playfully smearing his cum on my face.
My body shivered to an intense feeling of release but, only a little clear white liquid were being squeezed out from my slit.
"Gi cuci", he ordered and we quietly crept back into the house.
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I couldn't quite remember the first time I shoot my load - as in officially, with cum shooting out. I knew about orgasm from what my classmates described - seconds of bliss, accompanied by the shivering, and the tensing up but there was never any white creamy liquids like they said. It was always crystal clear, and it didn't come out quite as much as they described. Most nights, I would quietly stroke myself to the feeling of orgasm under my sheets late at night, but I never looked at the liquid that came out, afraid that Desmond might caught me.
My first wet dream also happened that year, waking up to a glob of sticky fluid in my underwear - I wondered if the discovery of the porn tapes had suddenly triggered all these reactions. Abang Azim told me he never had a wet dream when I explained to him what I experienced. I couldn't remember exactly what I dreamt about, but I knew it was something from the porn we watched together. "Besar ke batang tu" Abang Azim asked as I made up stories to cover up the fact that I couldn't remember most it. I nodded,
"Batang orang puteh mang besar." I nodded again,
"Tapi dalam mimpi dia tak sunat pun," I added, as if I was defending my uncut cock after all the comments made by him.
"Sama je kot" I smiled.
That night, we snuck out again to Pak Cik Usud's store room, but this time Abang Azim sucked me like how the woman from the porn did.
I finally saw the white creamy liquid oozing out out from my cock.